The journey to conceiving your child isn’t always an easy one.
Whether you’ve been given an infertility diagnosis by your doctor, or you’ve been trying to conceive on your own for months — or maybe even years — you probably feel like you’ve been on an emotional roller coaster ride.
You may have endured failed fertility treatments, miscarriages, or ongoing reproductive health disorders. Perhaps you’ve lost trust in your body, your health, or your doctors… but regardless of it all, you still dream of having a baby.
So how do you stay positive and keep the faith after so many disappointments?
Here are three ways to reframe infertility so that you can stay positive:
1 | Embrace your fertility journey as a daily practice of self-love —
When you’re met with disappointment it’s easy to plummet into a spiral of self-despair. You might find yourself resentful of the countless efforts you’re pouring into getting pregnant and tempted to throw your new healthy habits out the window. You end up falling into the ol’ one-step-forward-two-steps-back routine. Your body and mind don’t get the chance to reap the benefits of your cumulative efforts. And you lose momentum.
As Ralph Waldo Emerson says, “It’s the journey, not the destination.” We all get fixated on our goal: the destination. It’s natural. It’s your reason for your journey.
When you finally reach your goal and hold your baby in your arms, it will feel amazing. But in the meantime, the journey can be tortuous. Or, it can be a beautiful path.
Although it comes with its fair share of challenges, your goal gives you a reason to explore the depths of your strength and find deeper meaning to your life that depends not on your circumstances, but comes from within you.
When things come easily, we get lazy. You’re not forced to go deeper. You’re not forced to reevaluate a life of routine, connect with your partner, eat healthy, and wake up with a good attitude every day.
I encourage you to reframe your efforts and consider not doing things just because you’re trying to conceive, but because you and your health are worth it. Your sacred reason and your inspiration is your baby, and the journey is the daily practice of choosing you.
Eat healthy and exercise because it feels great, lifts your mood, and boosts your energy. And because you’ll still look and feel fabulous when you’re 60. Have sex with your sweetie because you’re in love and young and you’ve still got it. Take supplements to improve your immune system and ward off chronic pain, cancer, and Alzheimer’s. Work less and play more to have fun. Change jobs because the stress isn’t worth it. Get acupuncture because it’s relaxing and balancing. Get a health check up and diagnostic testing as an act of self-care.
You’re worth it!
2 | Choose to trust the wisdom of your body —
An infertility diagnosis may convince you that there’s something wrong, but the truth is, your body is looking out for you and your future baby.
Sure, it’s frustrating when your body isn’t performing as you’d like. You may feel like you’re broken. But if you’re not ovulating, or your hormones are out of balance, or your eggs aren’t healthy enough (which can be improved), or whatever may be going on specifically with you, it simply means that your body needs more support. Your body is communicating with you. And it’s protecting you from taking on something that it’s not currently resourced to support, like creating a new life.
Does that mean the situation is irreversible? Absolutely not. In my 12 years of experience helping women get pregnant by teaching them how to bring their bodies into balance, I can’t tell you how many “hopeless cases” became mothers. This includes helping women over 40 get pregnant naturally who were diagnosed with bad eggs, severe endometriosis, and had several failed IVF cycles.
The beauty of this process is in partnering with your body, learning how it’s speaking to you, and lovingly giving it what it needs to do what it was born to do… conceive.
3 | Choose to trust in the timing —
What’s often most forgotten on the journey to conceiving is that there’s a third soul involved. It’s easy to get caught up in the mechanics of what’s not working between you and your partner. You probably find yourself fixated on all the health-related questions that affect the two of you, like, “Is his sperm healthy?,” “Are my eggs too old?,” or “Did we time sex right?”
When it comes to conception, no matter how far we’ve come in modern science, we will never remove the mystery of how and when life comes to be. While accepting that we don’t have control over everything you may also find solace in surrendering to the magic of divine timing.
After all, another soul is preparing to enter this earthly realm. Your destined child may just be waiting for the right time. Perhaps it’s after you’ve moved to be closer to your family, or for the stars to be lined up just so to support your child’s destiny. No matter the reason, it’s a sacred one… for all involved.
If you allow yourself to really sink into trusting divine timing, you’ll feel that your child is already with you in spirit — that all you have to do to feel their love and love them back is to close your eyes and connect with them.
Tell your baby what’s in your heart and listen for an answer.
Heidi Brockmyre, M.S. L.Ac is a fertility expert and acupuncturist. Through her revolutionary online program, Fertility Activation Method™, she has empowered thousands of women with the tools and techniques of ancient traditional medicines to overcome fertility issues and grow their families. Heidi’s FAM™ program is an online course and complete pregnancy protocol, and is a clinically proven holistic system for pregnancy success. Heidi has a Master’s of Science in Chinese and is a California state board licensed doctor of Chinese medicine. She has over 10 years of clinical experience as a fertility specialist and medical professional, and has completed hundreds of hours of continuing education with a focus on fertility.