The greatest disease on this planet is self-stress. And you must understand, there’s nothing more precious than self-healing. — Yogi Bhajan
It was 10 years ago. The room is full of adult women and I’m giving a talk in one of my client’s homes on functional hormonal wellness. I reach the part about how our relationships directly impact our hormonal wellness and say, “Masturbation is a powerful self-healing hormonal kickstarter — we need to feel loving of ourselves before we can share intimacy with others.”
The room goes silent, but I keep saying the word — masturbation — sentence after sentence. I see nervous expressions on a few ladies’ faces, some start giggling and my aunt, who was in attendance, says, “But could you please stop saying that word?”
Stop saying that word? Of course I did not!
In the moment, I laughed, but thought, Wait, doesn’t everyone masturbate?
Every man I knew claimed masturbation as a daily necessity, so why were women so embarrassed to talk about it?
I was expressing the point that if we’re disconnected from sexual activity with our partners for a long while, it’s hard to go from nothing to full-on intercourse. To boost self-confidence on a science-based, flood-the-body-with-feel-good-oxytocin level, I suggested masturbation. It seemed like a practical take-home message to me!
Self-love 101 is knowing that, if you can help yourself feel good, then you can share yourself with others confidently if you choose to do so. But why, then, were these women so uncomfortable with the topic of masturbation? It wasn’t that they were simply embarrassed about it, this was more about the guilt and shame around self-care. Why should a woman feel shame towards loving themselves? Why shouldn’t they feel as though they deserve to experience pleasure deeply, in a self-managed way?
Shortly after that night, a few of the women from my talk became patients of mine and opened up about the uncomfortable word in the room. From then on, self-love became a main emphasis of my practice.
Tune Into Your Subconscious —
Think about how you assign value to your experiences in order to get useful perspective. When we assign value, or give power to something, we create beliefs around that particular matter. We are given the choice to change our own minds and beliefs if we choose to.
So, if you’re feeling guilt or shame thinking about masturbation — or when you masturbate — ask yourself exactly what you’re assigning value and power to. Is it an outworn societal or religious taboo that has led to guilt and embarrassment? Is it about body shame? Do you feel guilty about allocating time to love yourself? Does past sexual trauma exist?
Get in Touch with Your Bod —
Self-explore from both the outside and the inside. Get in front of a mirror and fully check yourself out — see what you’re really all about, transparently. Try assigning value not on a judgement of what your vagina and body look like, but rather on the value of knowing yourself head to toe and how that can empower you towards whole health.
Meditate with Self-Loving Body Art —
If it still feels uncomfortable, embrace the power of learning to love thyself through art. Artists, Maria Rozalia Finna (known as Ouvra), Duvet Days, and Vanja Vukelic all depict the clitoris as our third eye, the vaginal opening as our gate to understanding the divine within, and our nipples as conduits to our chakras and connection to the universe.
Learn the Facts —
Self-touch keeps the body producing essential neuro-protective and repro-harmonizing hormones and can help ease inflammation. Not only does it feel good, masturbation helps connect us with the earth and nature and can be honored as an effective tool for manifestation. You may even notice how masturbation helps the ego to dissolve!
DO IT YOURSELF
The Tools —
Chakrubs crystal sex toys deserve as much respect as objet d’art as they do for inviting the more sacred to your masturbation experience. Telling the universe you are ready to explore your emotional intelligence through your own sensual body helps evolve, expand, and harmonize inner awareness.
Moon Cycle Masturbation to Stay in the Flow —
Many women report blood deficiency and blood stagnation throughout their cycles. These two phenomena, as described by Chinese medicine, are largely relative to the epigenetic biomedical nature of how nutrient deficiencies, movement, and emotional fluctuations influence whole-body hormonal shifts. Orgasms created throughout menstruation will elicit dopamine and oxytocin, helping optimize feelings of content and self-love. (Orgasms can also help quell cramps.)
Spiritual Sex —
Some have their best manifestation sessions while sitting in intention at their altars or out in nature, while others have them while masturbating. Setting intentions directed from the self-love within can be very powerful.
Somatic sex advisor, Victoria Smith, known as The Tantric Witch says, “When we learn to manifest through sexual energy, we create magic. Just as our sexual energy can create a life force, it can also create changes in our personal universe. We take something as unidentifiable as sexual energy and build that through mindful sensual touch to awaken as much of the erectile clitoral tissues as possible and then birth it into existence through breath, movement, and orgasm.”
SELF TOUCH CONSENSUS
When I asked the women in my practice about the benefits they identified from self-touch, all but one reported a sense of uncoiling, relaxation, and the feeling of being more connected with themselves, and later, others. Many said they started using more self-empowering language because they were assigning value to their environment in new ways. A few told me they found the divine inside while ditching the religious stigmas they grew up with. All of the women said they were making more time for themselves without justifying it to others… and finally, they felt comfortable talking about masturbation.
Christine Dionese, co-founder of flavor ID is an integrative health and food therapy specialist and a wellness, lifestyle and food journalist. She has dedicated her career to helping others understand the science of happiness and its powerful effects on everyday human health by harnessing the power of the epigenetic landscape. Christine lives, works and plays bi-coastally between southern California and upstate New York with her family.