A Coming Home To Oneself

Sometimes life throws us for a loop. Our heart is broken, for example, or we’re let go from a job. We’re left feeling dizzy from the tumult, unable to find our footing. We’ve listened to all the advice: walked barefoot on the grass, soaked in Epsom salt baths, and meditated. And yet, still, the buzzing feeling remains. What then?

About 8 months ago, I discovered I had bed bugs. Overnight, I had to release nearly all of my belongings, save a few treasured articles of clothing. I was left, literally, with nothing. I had just completed my third (and final) year of my Masters in Spiritual Psychology at USM and was contemplating my next move. I was, at 33, homeless, without a job and single, completely groundless. I had no choice, but to surrender. I meditated and I prayed, but I needed something more, some way to channel the inherent chaos of my situation. I trusted that I was being led somewhere, although I had no idea where. All I had to do, I told myself, was follow the steps laid out in front of me.

The first step revealed itself that same week when I was introduced to Suze Schwartz, the owner of Unplug, a modern meditation studio in West LA. She invited me to join her team and within months I began leading meditations, detailing the benefits of calming the central nervous system to our beloved clientele. I soon noticed that the more I taught, the more still I became, even away from the studio. This baffled me. I had been meditating for years, so that couldn’t have been the primary cause of this exponential shift. What was it then that accounted for this change?

I had always been drawn to service, involving myself in charities and organizations since I was an adolescent. But this was different. Or it felt different. It felt more personal, more immediate. I had matured and my heart, open and wide, was now available. I wasn’t doing it to feel purer, or better, or to pat myself on the back. It wasn’t magic or sainthood. It was simply this: I was, perhaps for the first time, truly beginning to embody my Virgo sun.

Our sun sign is our soul essence. It represents how we shine in the world, how we express our essential self. The moon, by comparison, is one’s emotional landscape, one’s needs. Depending on where they fall in the natal chart (and the aspects they make), they will reveal something unique to the person, some elemental facet of their nature.

Astrologers will often look to the moon when counseling a client. It is, after all, the soul food, it’s what nourishes and feeds. It’s primal. But I think the sun can be equally important in this regard. Who doesn’t feel a sense of peace, a sense of belonging when in flow, when authentically revealing their gifts, doing what they feel they were meant to do? Isn’t that a kind of grounding as well, a coming home to oneself?

Our self-expression doesn’t need to be grand, worthy of a profile in the New York Times or Vogue. It can be as simple as folding laundry or as complicated as nuclear physics. It’s how we feel while immersed in it. We carry so much judgment of ourselves (and others) in regards to our calling, but the beauty of astrology is the way it often confirms what we already know to be true, intuitively. The key is in accepting it. So what is it that you love, that comes easily and with little effort? Counseling a friend? Preparing a meal? Piecing together a Lego set? Organizing a dinner party? Release, for a moment, the noise – the hows and whys. That will come later. Just start with the feeling, even if you’re homeless and jobless. Trust it and allow it to bring you back to yourself. After all, what’s more grounding, more healing, than being exactly who you are?

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